Healing....

Wow, a whole year has gone by since I posted here! A lot has happened and to be honest I am still processing everything. I woke up yesterday, in a reflective mood, thinking of all the events that brought me to this place and I am amazed that I am still standing in spite of it all. It is not by my strength or power, it is really a testament to God's faithfulness. He is faithful to us even when we are not faithful.

I have been wondering how I will even start this post, I may be a bit rusty but I am sure I will get the hang of things eventually. I recently met one of my uncles and he made a statement that set me thinking. He mentioned how grieving the death of a loved one takes a lot of time and to everyone a year has passed since the loss and you should be over it. On the contrary, the grieving person is in a different state of mind, a year feels like two weeks because the events are still fresh and the memories are unending. While you are processing everything, you just have to bear in mind that healing will take time but it is absolute, you have to allow yourself go through. His words encouraged me a lot because some people make me feel crazy for still grieving at times, a year has passed and I should be over it.

On 19th January 2021, my world came to a sudden standstill when I woke up to the news of my father's passing. I was devastated to say the least, even as I am typing, I am trying my utmost best to keep my composure. I have not fully recovered from it all and now I know I just have to give myself time and allow God to see me through. It is funny for me you know, I encouraged friends who went through these tough seasons but I never expected that I would experience this kind of pain so suddenly in my life. The aim of this post is not make you feel sad or sympathetic towards me but I rather to share in the most honest way, with hope that anyone grieving is uplifted!

In the past one year, I have learnt a lot of things but one thing I know is that you do not rush the healing but you allow it to take place through God's strength. I won't lie that I had moments I felt angry with God for allowing me face this kind of pain because I prayed so hard, my family and friends, we all prayed so hard but Heaven still called my father home. I know he is in a better place, where the peace and presence of God reigns forever but Lord knows I miss him so much. Today is my second Father's day without him and it is still hard for me, I am still waiting for the day that I would not feel the impact of it. I am gradually accepting that I will still have a flood of memories, I will cry some days and feel completely out of it but I will wipe the tears and keep going because that is what my dad would want.

In Africa, grieving is something we dedicate to the days leading to the funeral and the day of the burial but afterwards you are expected to forget everything and move on. We don't allow people to grieve and really get to the heart of matters to experience the relief and healing they need to keep pushing on in life. Shedding tears from time to time, doesn't mean you are weak, it is simply your way of healing. The hardest rock doesn't stay the same shape forever, it goes through some processes before gaining a certain shape. How the process may go, it is not defined for every rock but the goal will be achieved irrespective. You will weep now but joy will come in the morning and you will get to the top of the mountain where God wants you to be.

What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,

who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem.

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping

it will become a place of refreshing springs.

The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.

They will continue to grow stronger,

and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem

- Psalm 84:5-7

It takes a great amount of tenacity to wake up everyday to face the day without the loved one beside you but you just know it is something you have to do. If you know someone who is grieving a loss, encourage them everyday to keep going, don't be quick to assume that as time has passed, they are okay. They will not always admit it to you but it is so hard to face the day at times. It has taken me a whole year, to pick up the laptop and post a blog, every time I thought of it, it seemed like a daunting task to do. I just did not know what to tell my readers or how to encourage you, when I felt so discouraged! I am still going through the motions, trying to find myself and God again, we win on some days and on others we don't but we keep going.

To every son or daughter, dealing with the loss of a father or mother, know that God is there even when you do not feel His presence or His love, He is there. Don't feel pressured by society's expectations, allow yourself to go through the motions and lean on God for the healing you need. We live in a fast track world, we expect things to happen quickly but God's timing is entirely different from us. It is always a step by step process with Him, it won't be pleasant at times but you will get to where you need to be. I am still on my journey, and when He is finally done with me, I know I will be better than I was before! If you are like me, struggling with the loss of your father as we celebrate Father's day, I pray for God's peace and love to envelope you! We get through this, and testify one day! I love you all!

Good people pass away; the godly often die before their time. But no one seems to care or wonder why. No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come.

For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die.- Isaiah 57:1-2